Someone in Philly is my hero!

Last night during Game 5 of the World Series, Fox cameras caught the sign of the decade, as written by a Phillies fan.  As you may recall on this blog months ago, I ripped into A-Rod for his pink lips and how he wasn’t good enough to put any of them on one of my favorite bottles of beer.

Well, a few things have changed since then.  A-Rod’s lips have been all over Kate Hudson.  Win for A-Rod.  But they have also given ridiculously annoying soundbites about his friends on the team like “Jete” and “Swish” and “Butt Buddy.”  Sure, that last one may have been made up, but it is a great nickname for Jorge Posada.  Probably most importantly, they have spouted empty words in the form of apologies for being outed as a steroid user.

And, with the World Series shifting into Novemeber and temperatures dropping, his pink lips have become purple lips.  The sign during the game last night documented this, simply written in black, “Purple Lipped Roid Freak.”  The Red Sox may not have made the world series, but I can rest assured knowing that A-Rod is feeling the proper amount of hatred in visiting ballparks.

The New York City Marathon Makes Me Feel Bad About My Lifestyle: The Third Edition

This morning, standing about fifty yards from my apartment, I watched as countless runners jogged pass on 4th Avenue in Brooklyn, about eight or nine miles into their 26.2 mile journey.

As during the past two years, I still had on my Halloween costume from the night before.  I’m a huge fan of sleeping in my Halloween costume, by the way.  In this year’s episode, I woke up on a guy’s couch in the Village, still wearing my American flag tie that I had covered with the Cubs logo in my tribute to the late Harry Caray, as portrayed by Will Ferrell.  On the couch next to me, one of my friends was decked out in full 80’s glam band regalia, apparently having had his foolproof plan to run in the marathon under false credentials fall through the cracks.

After sneaking my third cup of free Gatorade (technically, I think the cups were for people to hand to the runners, but I didn’t see any signs specifically telling me that I too couldn’t quench my thirst), I got a little bored.  I can only take so much of watching overachievers (and people who are in good shape) run by while I feel like I am going to die.

So, as in past years, I went back to my apartment and made a sandwich.  And drank a bloody mary.  And watched Sportscenter.  And took a shower.

And then, after a couple hours had passed, I walked back out to 4th Avenue to watch volunteers clean up thousands of empty cups while groups of marathon outcasts trudge by.  Runners in boas, runners in costumes, runners who were dancing more than running.

After stealing a fourth cup of Gatorade and actually handing it out to a runner instead of downing it myself, I headed back to my apartment to lay down on the couch.  Watching the marathon is always so tiring.

An Open Apology to the one, the only, the J-Bro

J-Bro, I believe we got off on the wrong foot.  You commented on the post “Miss Maine Susie Stauble does not understand security,” and echoed the comments of another reader, who posts under the name “Uncle Mike” (who may or may not be my uncle, named Mike).  You both commented on what a lovely young lady Miss Susie Stauble is.

And I have no doubt she is.  First, people from Maine are fucking RADICAL.  Pardon my use of the f-bomb, but in this instance, it is warranted.  Mainers are that sweet.  J-Bro, a fellow New York City transplant Mainer, knows it more than others.

The post on Susie is in no way to denigrate her.  Sure, she could have put her crown in a somewhat more secure location.  But this blog drips with sarcasm, and was more a parody on the ridiculousness of the USA Today state by state notes and how they are basically, dumb as hell.

I’m sure Susie is a talented, amazing girl.  And having been elected Miss Maine, she is obviously talented, and since she won a beauty pageant, attractive.

Which, without a doubt, played into how J-Bro was exposed to The Fever.  As The Illustrious Senior Beads pointed out, JSF is the first site that is listed after googling “Susie Stauble.”  Were you participating in a little google stalkery, J-Broham?