You can't sweat out . . .

A Tale of Two TVs

In Great Television Destruction 2009 on February 17, 2009 at 11:25 pm

At the beginning of our sophomore year in college, my roommates and I bought a 19” Panasonic TV, the first major purchase we had made as a group besides 30 racks of Keystone Light.  As this was 2002, the TV came with a VCR, a pair for which we paid the princely sum of $95 at a Pawn Shop across the street from Burger King.

We always felt that the TV never accepted us as his new owners and fell into a fit of depression.  This theory was supported by the fact that he tried to kill himself no less than twice in the first year we owned him.  Once, he jumped off the table, landing screen down.  The jump was completely unsuccessful, as he didn’t suffer a scratch, even after a four foot fall.  Later that year he really went for it with gusto, setting fire to a pile of papers on top of him, causing his plastic frame to melt into itself.  True, it didn’t help that we had left him on for three consecutive days under a stack of loose papers, but I stand by the fact that he wanted to die from the start.

Over time, he became like an old friend, and when it was time to make my initial foray into the world of high definition, I couldn’t bear to kill him, not when he had overcome so much and served us so honorably.  Instead, I posted a note for a free TV on craigslist and then left him outside our apartment.  Ten minutes later he was gone, presumably to try to end his life somewhere else.

The moral of the story?  He cost approximately $75 and survived falling on his face, setting himself on fire, and then living in my parents garage for four years.  Our fancy schmancy $1,200 HD TV?  Couldn’t even take a little Wii remote to the dome piece (ok, the comparison is like throwing a rock at a sportscar vs. at a tank, but whatever).

Anyway, now that he’s broken, it is time to continue with the Great Television Destruction of 2009.  We don’t know how it will end, but it has already begun.  Yesterday, before heading to watch State Radio play a sold out show at Bowery Ballroom, Jack and I started it in earnest, with a single warning dart lodged into the TV’s LCD screen:

It starts with a dart . . .

It starts with a dart . . .

Oh this is what Great Television Destruction 2009 is all about?  One little dart, barely more than a flesh wound?  To the contrary.  Today I had to watch Jack Bauer kick ass on a laptop screen.  While he still dominated, killing several poorly pixelated people, it was not the same.  There’s something about a Beauer Beatdown in HD that just makes you want to go to battle.  And while Mouse Hunt 2009 is ongoing, my current focus is on destructing my former friend.

I hear your doubts:  One dart? You call that destruction?

Oh, I’m sorry.  That first picture was just to show the dart- His screen was off.  Here’s one with the screen on (*Warning* The picture you’re about to see is graphic in nature):

. . . Then there was a FIRRRREEEEEEEEFIGHT!

. . . Then there was a FIRRRREEEEEEEEFIGHT!

  1. I love it. I leave for three days and my apartment has turned into alpha phi kappa. I must admit, however, that the color patterns are pretty stunning.

  2. WHOA. What is up w. the erroneous story telling? I come to this blog for all things true and I come to see the story of our TV short-changed for dramatic effect. That TV set itself on fire way before it jumped off a table. The fire was sophomore year and the the jump junior year.

    Dem’s the facts. Or at least are the facts that I recall. There is the chance that my booze addled brain is wrong but I doubt that.

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