You can't sweat out . . .

River Phoenix’s look-a-like and a strange ride through the world of myspace

In People are so weird on March 1, 2009 at 11:54 pm

Tomorrow night will be a glorious re-entry into the world of Bauer beatdowns in HD.  The new TV arrived yesterday, and it is spectacular looking.  Last night while talking to the relatively attractive girl sitting next to me at a bar, I found my mind slipping away from her, back to my living room, where a sleek, sexy 46” Samsung waited for me.

You see, not only has watching 24 on the internet for the past two weeks deprived me of Bauer’s badassicity on a worthy screen, it has also exposed me to a strange myspace sub-culture of celebrity look-a-likes.  It all started when instead of using the Fox website, I went to the official 24 myspace page, which plays full episodes.  The number one “friend” of 24? Kiefer Sutherland.

Curious, I clicked on Sutherland’s picture to see his profile, and this is where things started to get really weird.  Weird like two people impersonating brothers, one of whom is deceased, online.  Yes, that weird.

Scrolling down Sutherland’s profile, to the comments left by others on his wall, I came upon the seemingly innocuous “HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!  YOUR FRIEND: TIBY.  Oh Tiby, I’m sure Kiefer Sutherland not only checks his myspace and sees your comments, but he also considers you a friend.  Especially considering that your myspace profile name is River Phoenix’s Look-a-Like.

Yes, I am positive that Sutherland is just clamoring to know someone who believes he looks exactly like the deceased Phoenix, Sutherland’s co-star in his first film, the classic Stand By Me. I know I am.  So does Tiby from Hungary look exactly like Phoenix?  You be the judge:

River Phoenix + Child Molester Facial Hair + Blonde Hair - River Phoenix = Tiby

River Phoenix + Child Molester Facial Hair + Brown Hair - River Phoenix = Tiby

It seems like Tiby has a lot going for him.  His profile states that he is 33 years old, married with children, and living in Hungary.  He also doesn’t seem to have a single myspace friend who is not another celebrity’s look-a-like or a fan page of a celebrity.  Now that is social networking at its best.

Tiby’s “About Me”:

“Hello! My name is Tiby and I am River Phoenix’s lookalike. I have never seen someone who looks like Rio. Interesting that his grandmother was living in Hungary. I am a model, too and a member of”

Tiby’s “Who I’d Like to Meet”:

“River Phoenix but it isn’t possible unfortunatelly [sic]. His family, friends and fans. I hope they would like to see me because I have got something of Riv.”

Not happy to just end my trip into the strange world of Tiby and watch Jack Bauer’s exploits between the hours of 5-6 p.m, I decided to scroll down his wall as well and see what kind of people would leave messages for good old Tiby.

The person who has left the most comments? The Joaquin Phoenix fan page.  This just blows my mind.  We’ve got a case of two people communicating with each other constantly because one of them runs a support page for an Oscar nominee and the other kinda somewhat bears a resemblance to his deceased older brother.  Do they write flowing sentences detailing shared childhood experiences?  Nope.  Actually, they don’t really contain much text at all.  It’s basically just the Joaquin Phoenix fan page leaving pictures like the following:

Brothers don't shake hands; brothers gotta hug!

Yeah, that’s not creepy at all.

  1. That’s some solid math.

  2. Tiby is looking more like Balthazar Getty as Ralph in 1990’s Lord of the Flies.
    I do appreciate that he fancies himself a model. In Hungary. Must be huge.

  3. do i look like

  4. I soooooooooo loved River! And Stand by me is one of my favorite movies ever!!

    Check out my full review on my blog.

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