You can't sweat out . . .

Emmitt Smith + Leonardo DiCaprio + 1996 styles = MAGIC

In Just absolutely dominating people, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood on March 6, 2009 at 12:45 am

As I couldn’t find a single person who wanted to go to Hoboken to see Maps & Atlases with me tonight, I instead settled in for what turned out to be a glorious night of being productive watching TV.  True, I could have gone out and been social, but a comfortable couch and Michael Scott beckoned.  And all the popsicles I wanted to eat.  Not going to lie, the popsicles were a major selling point.

After a double dose of humor from Steve Carrell and Tina Fey, I decided to venture into the land of cable.  As I scholar, I obviously levitated (the use of that word is what we like to call foreshadowing) to TLC to learn something.  I fell for the name and was full of big expectations.  Sadly, I did not learn anything.  Because besides a ninja and a pro baseball player, there are few things I would rather be than a magician.  But I did not learn magic by watching David Blaine: Street Magic.  In fact, I am more confused.  Mostly by the laws of physics, like how old DB can levitate, how he can pull off insane sleight of hand tricks and my personal favorite, throw a deck of cards against a glass wall and have the card that an unsuspecting woman had secretly picked just moments ago stick to the inside of the window!  It boggles the mind.

What is also mind boggling is that it is probably the seventh or eighth time I have seen this very special.  It is classic David Blaine before he became a weird guy who hangs upside down for days or freezes himelf in a block of ice rather than just sticking to cunning card tricks like his street magic.  And that’s not to mention the hour long program’s spectacular cameos.

Instead of just jumping right into magic without the proper amount of foreplay, the special begins with an interview with Blaine, humanizing him before he makes you think he is supernatural.  The interviewer?  A young Leonardo DiCaprio, somewhere between being an adopted Seaver on Growing Pains and being your favorite and mine, Jack Dawson, who steals a woman’s heart away from Billy Zane, which is no easy feat indeed.  Filmed in 1996 (thanks imdb), it also features David Blaine pulling various shenanigans of the magic variety on some of the most popular NFL players of the time: Deion Sanders, Emmitt Smith and the rest of America’s Team, the Dallas Cowboys.

Now this was 1996, and Emmitt Smith was at the peak of his stardom.  His outfit reeked of both flamboyant awesomeness and the 90s.  Beige vest and matching pants? Check.  Gold earrings, chain and bracelet? Check.  A cell phone tucked into the front of his pants?  Check.  Timbs on his toes, and this is how it goes playas.

The result of google imaging "Emmitt Smith flamboyant"

Emmitt Smith on Dancing With the Stars apparently bringing down the house with the Carlton Banks

But like all good things, with one last levitation, the special soon ended.  Until next time David, young Leo and flamboyant Emmitt.  I will miss you, but for now it’s time to head over to IFC to watch the end of a classic, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I’m going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it.  Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.

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