You can't sweat out . . .

The NBA is FANtastic: Men, women and children make a mockery of themselves on TV

In The Sporting Life on March 8, 2009 at 4:03 pm

As American Idol clearly shows, people will do just about anything to get on television.  So entranced are we by the idea of thousands, if not millions of people having the opportunity to see us on the small screen that we will hold up signs all game for the chance of being shown on TV for a mere few seconds.  And don’t even get me started on the fans who sit behind home plate at baseball games on their cell phones the whole game, waving to their friends watching back home.

On Friday night while waiting for Joe Sarge to arrive from Boston on the Fung Wah bus in order to partake in Hoboken St. Patrick’s Day on Saturday (utter and complete decimation of numerous livers, by the way), I was enjoying the Celtics outscoring LeBron and the Cavs on ESPN when I witnessed a display of ridiculousness from the fans sitting directly behind the announcers during a timeout.  With the Celtics leading 40-33 with 2:02 remaining in the first half, the cameras zeroed in Hubie Brown looking dead and Mike Tirico looking constipated.  Realizing that they were on TV, what appeared to be a father/daughter combination who appear from the chest up between the two used their six seconds of fame to the fullest extent.  Luckily, by the marvel of DVR and a digital camera, I will recreate the scene below:

Hey everyone!  Come and see how good we look!

Hey everyone! Come and see how good we look!

A classic move- both man and woman pretend that not only are they having an extremely humorous conversation, but also looking at something much more interesting to their right.  They are so cool and nonchalant, it appears that they might not even know the camera is on them.  But they do.  Oh yes, they do.

(**sidenote** In addition to Tirico, there are at two African-American fans visible in the stands.  This image of nominal diversity at the TD Banknorth Garden in 2009 is in stark contrast to the makeup of the crowd at the old Boston Garden back in the 80s.  A co-worker used to have a panoramic view of the Garden from 1986, and we once spent upwards of 15 minutes searching through thousands of fans trying to find all the African-Americans in picture who were not part of the game itself.  The number we were able to find matches the number of the above picture.  In fact, that picture of the Garden looks a lot like a sheet.)

I knew I should have worn contacts today.  What was I thinking?!

I knew I should have worn contacts today. What was I thinking?!

After a few seconds the man suddenly decides that he wants the ESPN audience to see how sexy he looks without glasses.  Note, there is no explanation for this maneuver except to be seen without glasses.  Which is absurdly awesome.  I rewound and watched this action numerous times, each time enjoying it more.  Also, we have a Celtics superfan who is copying Turtle’s look from Entourage throwing up gang signs over Hubie Brown’s right shoulder.  God, I wish this wasn’t my favorite team’s crowd.

Check me out, I'm awesome.

Check me out, I'm awesome.

Hubie Brown looks ghastly.  Do I really even need to say much about the father/daughter combo?  They thought they were only getting a few seconds of fame, but little did they know John Stamos Fever would chronicle their exploits for the world to see.  There was no way to confirm it, but it appears that everyone immediately seated behind the announcers is involved in a mass joke.  The NBA.  It’s FANtastic!

While these two added more enjoyment to the game for me than they will ever know, they didn’t even represent my favorite fan appearance during the game.  No, this award goes to a kid sitting courtside who gets completely shot down by Paul Pierce in an attempt for a high five.  Some notes for the kids:

– Don’t go to a Celtics game and sit courtside in the jersey of that night’s opponent

– While wearing said jersey, do not try to get a high five from Paul Pierce.  You will get dominated.

– Don’t be a dumbass

Where's your Pierce jersey, kid?  You just got pwned!

Where's your Pierce jersey, kid? You just got pwned!

  1. Sean

    You’re Hubie Brown. You’re closing in on 80 years of age–you’ve coached everyone from Bernard King to Pau Gasol and you’re universally respected for not only your basketball knowledge and good humor, but for your uncanny ability to break everything down in the second-person. Even if you look like hell, you’re still a winner.

    As for that kid in the Cavs jersey, he looks like every kid who played for every bad AAU team we ever played against. Overweight, out of shape, but trying like hell to look like he belongs. And failing, miserably.

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