You can't sweat out . . .

Creep, Creeper, Creepiest: A threesome for the ages

In Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, People are so weird on April 1, 2009 at 10:45 pm

In one fell swoop during a five minute span of True Hollywood Story: Jenna Jameson, E! unveiled to the world the guys behind the scenes of the porn world.   Parading three men who commented on Jameson during the early years of her career, the show’s train started with the co-CEO of the Vivid porn empire, moved on to the stylist who prepared Jameson for her first scene (thus becoming the answer to a trivia question), and then finished with the Senior Editor of a little publication called The Adult Video News. That’s right, senior editor.

Without further adieu, let’s start from the top. . . and move quickly to rock bottom.

The Creep:

Steven Hirsch, Co-CEO of Vivid Entertainment Group

Steven looks a lot like one of the Maloof brothers, the freewheeling billionaire playboys who own the NBA’s Sacramento Kings.  And the similarities don’t stop there: in order to get signed by either the Kings or Vivid, being a good ball handler is key.  You saw that one coming, didn’t you?

Odds of a Steven Hirsch / Paris Hilton wedding in the next ten years?  100 t0 1.  Odds of Steven signing Lindsay Lohan to a film deal? 25 to 1.  Odds of him being connected to organized crime? 7 to 1.  Odds of him doing enough cocaine to kill an elephant? 3 to 1.  Odds of him giving me the chills? 1 to 1.

"Daddy, how did you win that trophy?"

"Daddy, how did you win that trophy?"

The Creeper:

Lee Garland, makeup artist

It’s amazing what a stencil and some black spray paint can achieve.

Cha Cha Cha Chia!

Cha Cha Cha Chia!

The Creepiest:

Mark Kernes, Senior Editor of Adult Video News

According to wikipedia, Adult Video News is a monthly publication with 40,000 subscribers that consists of 80% ads.  According to the below picture, Mark Kernes makes the principal in Billy Madison look attractive.  Even without his lofty title, this is the kind of man who obviously knows his porn.  And his suspenders.

You like porn? Shocking

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  1. Anyone else notice the really odd, dare I say creepy, background for the Adult Video News interview? Dark house-like interior with eerie green lights and computer. Are those gumballs to the left of this picture? It just reads as “lair of the sex offender”

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