You can't sweat out . . .

The New York City Marathon Makes Me Feel Bad About My Lifestyle: The Third Edition

In Crazy Athletic Feats on November 1, 2009 at 10:21 pm

This morning, standing about fifty yards from my apartment, I watched as countless runners jogged pass on 4th Avenue in Brooklyn, about eight or nine miles into their 26.2 mile journey.

As during the past two years, I still had on my Halloween costume from the night before.  I’m a huge fan of sleeping in my Halloween costume, by the way.  In this year’s episode, I woke up on a guy’s couch in the Village, still wearing my American flag tie that I had covered with the Cubs logo in my tribute to the late Harry Caray, as portrayed by Will Ferrell.  On the couch next to me, one of my friends was decked out in full 80’s glam band regalia, apparently having had his foolproof plan to run in the marathon under false credentials fall through the cracks.

After sneaking my third cup of free Gatorade (technically, I think the cups were for people to hand to the runners, but I didn’t see any signs specifically telling me that I too couldn’t quench my thirst), I got a little bored.  I can only take so much of watching overachievers (and people who are in good shape) run by while I feel like I am going to die.

So, as in past years, I went back to my apartment and made a sandwich.  And drank a bloody mary.  And watched Sportscenter.  And took a shower.

And then, after a couple hours had passed, I walked back out to 4th Avenue to watch volunteers clean up thousands of empty cups while groups of marathon outcasts trudge by.  Runners in boas, runners in costumes, runners who were dancing more than running.

After stealing a fourth cup of Gatorade and actually handing it out to a runner instead of downing it myself, I headed back to my apartment to lay down on the couch.  Watching the marathon is always so tiring.


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