You can't sweat out . . .

Posts Tagged ‘24’

River Phoenix’s look-a-like and a strange ride through the world of myspace

In People are so weird on March 1, 2009 at 11:54 pm

Tomorrow night will be a glorious re-entry into the world of Bauer beatdowns in HD.  The new TV arrived yesterday, and it is spectacular looking.  Last night while talking to the relatively attractive girl sitting next to me at a bar, I found my mind slipping away from her, back to my living room, where a sleek, sexy 46” Samsung waited for me.

You see, not only has watching 24 on the internet for the past two weeks deprived me of Bauer’s badassicity on a worthy screen, it has also exposed me to a strange myspace sub-culture of celebrity look-a-likes.  It all started when instead of using the Fox website, I went to the official 24 myspace page, which plays full episodes.  The number one “friend” of 24? Kiefer Sutherland.

Curious, I clicked on Sutherland’s picture to see his profile, and this is where things started to get really weird.  Weird like two people impersonating brothers, one of whom is deceased, online.  Yes, that weird.

Scrolling down Sutherland’s profile, to the comments left by others on his wall, I came upon the seemingly innocuous “HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!  YOUR FRIEND: TIBY.  Oh Tiby, I’m sure Kiefer Sutherland not only checks his myspace and sees your comments, but he also considers you a friend.  Especially considering that your myspace profile name is River Phoenix’s Look-a-Like.

Yes, I am positive that Sutherland is just clamoring to know someone who believes he looks exactly like the deceased Phoenix, Sutherland’s co-star in his first film, the classic Stand By Me. I know I am.  So does Tiby from Hungary look exactly like Phoenix?  You be the judge:

River Phoenix + Child Molester Facial Hair + Blonde Hair - River Phoenix = Tiby

River Phoenix + Child Molester Facial Hair + Brown Hair - River Phoenix = Tiby

It seems like Tiby has a lot going for him.  His profile states that he is 33 years old, married with children, and living in Hungary.  He also doesn’t seem to have a single myspace friend who is not another celebrity’s look-a-like or a fan page of a celebrity.  Now that is social networking at its best.

Tiby’s “About Me”:

“Hello! My name is Tiby and I am River Phoenix’s lookalike. I have never seen someone who looks like Rio. Interesting that his grandmother was living in Hungary. I am a model, too and a member of”

Tiby’s “Who I’d Like to Meet”:

“River Phoenix but it isn’t possible unfortunatelly [sic]. His family, friends and fans. I hope they would like to see me because I have got something of Riv.”

Not happy to just end my trip into the strange world of Tiby and watch Jack Bauer’s exploits between the hours of 5-6 p.m, I decided to scroll down his wall as well and see what kind of people would leave messages for good old Tiby.

The person who has left the most comments? The Joaquin Phoenix fan page.  This just blows my mind.  We’ve got a case of two people communicating with each other constantly because one of them runs a support page for an Oscar nominee and the other kinda somewhat bears a resemblance to his deceased older brother.  Do they write flowing sentences detailing shared childhood experiences?  Nope.  Actually, they don’t really contain much text at all.  It’s basically just the Joaquin Phoenix fan page leaving pictures like the following:

Brothers don't shake hands; brothers gotta hug!

Yeah, that’s not creepy at all.


Jack Bauer, Barney Stinson and Bob Barker: True American Heroes

In Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood on February 8, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Whenever you find a random roommate on craigslist, there are always risks for all parties involved.  Like maybe they don’t clean up after themselves or don’t do the dishes.  Or maybe they have a super annoying habit they somehow suppressed during the initial meeting and lease signing.  Of course, you could end up with someone whose idea of a wild night is having the boys over to the apartment for a rousing game of Magic: The Gathering.  Or worse, they could kill you in your sleep.

So far, after almost 6 months, I can report that random craigslist Jack has worked out well to quite well.  He’s introduced me to new things that have become mass media staples in my life.  Girl Talk dance parties.   Blu-ray movies on his PS3.  American Idol (ok, that one’s not so much a staple in my life.  Although the new judge is pretty cute).  The Sweet Wizard Band (his band with college friends that only have concerts in our apartment between the hours of midnight and 5am).

But the most important contribution he has made, without a doubt, is getting me addicted to 24.  Yes, I realize this is the 7th season of the show, and the critics, not to mention countless friends, have loved it from the start.  I missed the boat when the show first came out while I was in college, and have found various excuses not to watch it since.  But because Jack is a fan, my Monday nights have improved dramatically.  First, from 8:30-9, the best sitcom on TV right now, How I Met Your Mother, transports me to a version of New York where everyone is gorgeous, well dressed and ridiculously funny.  Wait, I just described my apartment.

We're so classy.  And hilarious.

We're so classy. And hilarious.

This is a great prelude to watching Jack Bauer absolutely dominate and attempt to save the free world.  Right now, he is single-handedly protecting both America and Sangala.  While I don’t have any previous seasons to compare it to (though Jack does have all previous seasons on dvd, so I anticipate a hardcore 24 binge in my future), the action is pretty fast and furious.  And extremely satisfying.

During an episode a few weeks ago, however, I was hit with a deep depression while watching Bauer save approximately 100,000 Sangalians between the hours of 11am and 12 noon.  The feeling of despair did not come from comparing what I would ideally be doing during that timeframe to what the great Jack Bauer did.   Obviously, I would want to be watching The Price is Right.  What got me depressed is the fact that this will never happen again.

Jack Bauer may be able to save the world, and he may be able to do it outside the law, but he cannot force me to watch Drew Carey host The Price is Right. Watching Carey host the show is kind of like witnessing the ridiculously socially awkward kid try to ask a girl to dance back in 7th grade.  I used to be a hardcore Price is Right fan, but Carey has killed the show for me.  I once saw a women guess the exact price of a car, and his reaction was about as enthusiastic as if he had just found a $1 bill in his jacket pocket.

Bob Barker, on the other hand, would have not only celebrated with the woman, he would have let her kiss him on the cheek (arguably a better prize than a new car).

The Price is WRONG, bitch

Man, I'm sweet