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Posts Tagged ‘Destroyed Tvs’

A Tale of Two TVs

In Great Television Destruction 2009 on February 17, 2009 at 11:25 pm

At the beginning of our sophomore year in college, my roommates and I bought a 19” Panasonic TV, the first major purchase we had made as a group besides 30 racks of Keystone Light.  As this was 2002, the TV came with a VCR, a pair for which we paid the princely sum of $95 at a Pawn Shop across the street from Burger King.

We always felt that the TV never accepted us as his new owners and fell into a fit of depression.  This theory was supported by the fact that he tried to kill himself no less than twice in the first year we owned him.  Once, he jumped off the table, landing screen down.  The jump was completely unsuccessful, as he didn’t suffer a scratch, even after a four foot fall.  Later that year he really went for it with gusto, setting fire to a pile of papers on top of him, causing his plastic frame to melt into itself.  True, it didn’t help that we had left him on for three consecutive days under a stack of loose papers, but I stand by the fact that he wanted to die from the start.

Over time, he became like an old friend, and when it was time to make my initial foray into the world of high definition, I couldn’t bear to kill him, not when he had overcome so much and served us so honorably.  Instead, I posted a note for a free TV on craigslist and then left him outside our apartment.  Ten minutes later he was gone, presumably to try to end his life somewhere else.

The moral of the story?  He cost approximately $75 and survived falling on his face, setting himself on fire, and then living in my parents garage for four years.  Our fancy schmancy $1,200 HD TV?  Couldn’t even take a little Wii remote to the dome piece (ok, the comparison is like throwing a rock at a sportscar vs. at a tank, but whatever).

Anyway, now that he’s broken, it is time to continue with the Great Television Destruction of 2009.  We don’t know how it will end, but it has already begun.  Yesterday, before heading to watch State Radio play a sold out show at Bowery Ballroom, Jack and I started it in earnest, with a single warning dart lodged into the TV’s LCD screen:

It starts with a dart . . .

It starts with a dart . . .

Oh this is what Great Television Destruction 2009 is all about?  One little dart, barely more than a flesh wound?  To the contrary.  Today I had to watch Jack Bauer kick ass on a laptop screen.  While he still dominated, killing several poorly pixelated people, it was not the same.  There’s something about a Beauer Beatdown in HD that just makes you want to go to battle.  And while Mouse Hunt 2009 is ongoing, my current focus is on destructing my former friend.

I hear your doubts:  One dart? You call that destruction?

Oh, I’m sorry.  That first picture was just to show the dart- His screen was off.  Here’s one with the screen on (*Warning* The picture you’re about to see is graphic in nature):

. . . Then there was a FIRRRREEEEEEEEFIGHT!

. . . Then there was a FIRRRREEEEEEEEFIGHT!


When Wii bowling goes horribly, horribly wrong

In Come on!, Great Television Destruction 2009 on February 16, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Saturday night was a roller coaster ride through the highs and lows of life, accented by tequila, life imitating art, utter dispair, and good people.  Jack triumphantly arrived back at the homestead after a successful Manhattan brunch where numerous screwdrivers were imbibed and cute birds were chatted up (today I kind of feel like sprinkling in cockney British slang) with two college buddies, Sully and Cyrus.  Cyrus sits on the couch all day with such ease and frequency that Jack and Sully, the co-frontmen of Sweet Wizard Band (a band so classy that they took their promotional pictures on our building’s roof), recorded their only song about this (lack of) action.

Soon, beers magically appeared (did I mention they are sweet wizards?), and then tequila shots joined the party (poured from the handle we have been gradually killing with calculated attacks since our two day New Year’s event).  Needless to say, the good times were rolling, and the only way we could think to make it sweeter was to add the element of competition to the mix.  Firing up the Wii, bowling seemed like the best group option for the four of us.  And it was, particularly for me.

Even in real life, bowling and booze are fantastic combination for me.  Thursday night bowling league in college and $2 drafts at the alley? One game I got a 222.  First company outing at my first job out of college with pitchers of brews?  One video ipod won for high score of the night, a 187.  Saturday night?  Headed down that proverbial lane.

Six frames in and I had two spares and four strikes.  I had just rolled a spare on my last turn, missing out on whatever comes after a Turkey.  Tossing the controller over to Jack, I sat back to let Sully go.  As I was bowling the Wii game of my life, I felt a more distinguised seating position suited me, so I lifted my right foot and rested it on my left thigh, creating a perpendicular angle with my knee.

This decision would soon prove fatal for a most beloved appliance as we decided to re-enact the annoying Southwest Airline commercial you have undoubtedly seen, when the guy throws a Wii remote into his friend’s wall mounted flatscreen TV, only to have the TV fall down and smash through the table below.  Yes, Sully channeled that guy on his next roll when the remote shot out of his hand after striking the right toe of my sneaker.  But the guy who installed our TV was apparently more skilled than the technician responsible for allowing the force created by one pound remote being thrown at it from ten feet away that knock a TV off its moorings in the commercial.  So our table is safe.  And believe me, I was pissed at this point (but not really that angry.  Come on, I warned you about the cockney slang).

Oh, the humanity!

Oh, the humanity!

It’s not a pretty picture (although those are some pretty awesome colors that resulted).  Sully, being a stand up wizard, has offered to pay for the same TV if I want it, but to give me that amount if I instead want to upgrade.  So far, in the year and a half we have lived here, we have evolved from a 32” Samsung to the corpse of the 42” Sharp that you see above.

In an effort to support the economy and continue watching sports (or Lifetime movies) on a quality set, I have no choice but to upgrade to a 46” Samsung.  My mouth is watering just thinking of the picture quality, the crispness of color, and the boner inducing clarity of contrast.

But for now, it’s all about the colors.  By the way, from the audio, I was able to determine that the picture above was taken during a segment where Martha Stewart was interviewing Bill Clinton.  The subject they were discussing at the exact moment I clicked my camera?  The saxophone.  Somewhere, Joe Sargent and MaineCoast12 are smiling.