You can't sweat out . . .

Posts Tagged ‘Ed Hochuli’

My favorite NFLers of all-time: Marino and Hochuli

In The Sporting Life on January 4, 2009 at 3:32 pm

My roommate Jack and I are watching the Dolphins vs. Ravens playoff game in our living room.  Or, I was watching it until about thirty minutes ago when I started this, as it was was actually ridiculously boring and an unfortunate way to waste what would likely be 3 hours on the last day of holiday freedom before work.  Anyway, as I was checking my email, the following exchange took place:

Jack: “Dude, who is that ref?  He’s jacked!”
Me: (Not looking up): “Ed Hochuli.  He’s a lawyer during the week. He is also He-Man.”

Which led us into spirited discussion of how badass he had to be a lawyer, referee, and man of steel.  For those of you who don’t know about Ed Hochuli, let me recommend visiting wikipedia and reading the extensive article on Hochuli, the highlight of which is the caption above his picture that reads, “Ed ‘Guns’ Hochuli.”

I personally like to begin each NFL game with two questions:

1) Who do I want to win?
– In this case, with my hometown (region) team the Patriots unfortunately out of the playoffs, I was reliving the ages of approximately 5-16, when I worshipped the Miami Dolphins, led by Dan “The Man” Marino.  When Marino retired in 1999, I realized that I worshipped not the Dolphins but the best athlete in the history of organized football.  I mean, this guy ruled.  He had a sweet name, ran Miami’s ridiculous passing offense, sold Isotoner gloves, acted in one of the funniest movies of my youth, Ace Ventura, threw bombs to the Marks (Clayton and Duper), had a hot wife, and all around just straight up dominated life.  I went as far to commit one of the worst sins in fanhood and get my own last name embroidered on the back of a #13 Miami Dolphins jersey.  I also went outside and cried when he tore his Achilles Tendon in 1993.  I am not even slightly embarassed by this.

2)  Is Ed Hochuli refereeing?
– Not only is he one of the best refs in the game (two Super Bowls), he is unquestionably badass, has six kids, and is a high powered litigator at an eighty person law firm called Jones, Skelton and Hochuli, P.L.C.  I daydream of being as freaking radical as Guns.

Ok, 4th quarter just started and it is 20-3 Baltimore.  The Ravens have a great defense and Chad Pennington is Dan Marino after 17 Bud Heavies.  In other words, not good.  Jack’s going to a bar in the West Village to watch the Eagles/Vikings game, so I am going to put on a clean shirt, pretend I’m a huge Eagles fan even though Philadelphia fans scare me in general, and crush beers.  Sunday Funday sounds like a fantastic way to end the holiday season.